This is a story from The Light and the Glory by Peter Marshall and David Manuel. They're saying that so many people today think that Puritans were so holy, sinless, and boring. This story was recoded by the town clerk:
The dedication dinner was had in the great barn of Mr. Hood, which by reason of its goodly size was deemed the most fit place. It was greatly adorned with green bows and other hangings and made very fair to look upon, the wreaths being mostly wrought by the young folk, they meeting together both maids and young men, and having a merry time in doing the work. Though rough stalls and unhewn posts being gaily begirt, and all the corners and cubbies being swept clean and well aired, it truly did appear a well banqueting hall. The scaffolds, too, from which provender had been removed, were swept as clean as broom could make them. Some seats were out up on the scaffolds, whereon might sit such of the ancient women as would see, and the maids and children. The great floor was held for the company which was to partake of the feast of fat things, none others being admitted save them that were there to wait upon the same. The kine [cattle] that were wont to be there were forced to keep holiday in the field.
The follows a detailed account of how the fowls who were accustomed to living in the barn persisted in flying in and roosting over the table, scattering feathers and hay on the august assembly below. Finally, the new pastor's patience was at an end. Normally the soul of dignity and decorum,
Mr. Shepherd's face did turn very red, and he catched up an apple and hurled it at the birds. But he thereby made a bad matter worse, for the fruit being well aimed, it hit the legs of the fowl and brought him floundering and flopping sown on the table, scattering gravy, sauce, and divers things upon out garments and in out faces...this did not please some, yet with most of it was happening that made great merriment.
Dainty meats were on the table in great plenty, bear-steak, deer-meat, rabbit, and fowl, both wild and from the barn-yard. Luscious puddings were likewise had in abundance, mostly apple and berry, but some of corn meal with small bit of suet baked therein, also pies and tarts. We had some pleasant fruits, as apples, nuts, and wild grapes, and to crown all, we had plenty of good cider and the inspiring Barbabos drink [rum]. Mr. Shepherd and most of the ministers were grave and prudent at the table [except, of course, when flinging apples at the chickens], discouraging mush upon the great points of the dedication sermon and in silence laboring upon the food before them. But I will not risk to say on which they dwelt with most relish, the discourse or the dinner.
Most 0f the young members of the council would fain make a jolly time of it. Mr. Gerrish, the Wenham minister, though prudent in his meat and drinks, was yet in a right merry mood. And he did once grievously scandalize Mr. Shepherd, who on suddenly looking up from his dish did spy him, as he thought, winking in an unbecoming way to one of the pretty damsels up on the scaffold. And thereupon bidding the godly Mr. Rogers to labor with him aside for his misbehavior, it turned out that the winking was occasioned by some of the hay seeds that were blowing about, lodging in his eye. Whereat Mr. Shepherd felt greatly relieved.
The new meetinghouse was much discoursed upon at the table. And must thought it as comely as house of worship as can be found in the whole colony save only three or four. Mr. Gerrish was in such a merry mood that he kept the end of the table where he sat in right jovial humor. Some did loudly laugh and clap their hands. But in the midst of the merriment, a strange disaster did happen unto him. Not having his thoughts about him, he endeavored the dangerous performance of gaping and laughing at the same time, he set his jaws open in such wise that it was beyond all his power to bring them together again.
His agony was very great, and his joyful laugh soon turned to grievous groaning. The women in the scaffolds began much distressed for him. We did our utmost to stay the anguish of Mr. Gerrish, but could make out little 'till Mr. Rogers, who knoweth somewhat of anatomy, did bid the sufferer to sit on the floor, which was done by Mr. Rogers, gave a powerful blow and then sudden press which brought the jaws into working order. But Mr. Gerrish did not gape or laugh much more on that occasion, neither did he talk much, for that matter.
No other weighty mishap occurred save that one of the Salem delegates, in boastfully essaying to crack a walnut between his teeth did crack, instead of a nut, a most useful double tooth and was thereby forced to appear at the evening with a bandaged face.
There were further interruptions by invading roosters, staved off by barrages of flying nuts and apples, and in the end a few "maudlin songs and much roistering laughter." The account concludes, "So noble and savory a banquet was never before spread in this noble town, God be praised!"
So much for the image of the dour puritan!
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